I love this post Jodi, because it reminds me that it's okay to wear our emotions on our sleeve (like I always have done in front of my husband). You are not alone in your jealousy! Just remember that you are not alone in wishing you were elsewhere. Daniel is not 'everyone' having an amazing time...he is an exception. We are all 'stuck' at home with you lovely one xxx

Something I've learnt lately: what you resist persists. So yes acknowledge and be honest with yourself. I had a big year last year dealing with anger and resentment... I learnt to sit with them, almost like friends, on the beach and see what they were trying to say to me. Once I gave them attention, they stopped nagging at me and popping up. It did eventually dissipate (the big bits). My anger was towards my father and I can honestly say that I now feel peace towards him, so that if we did ever come face to face (it's been 21 years) I would look at him with compassionate eyes. My anger still occasionally pops up (work in progress) but there are other sources and when I don't take time to sit with emotions alone and sift through them, I burn out easily. Hugs to you... This heat won't be helping either... (Dare I say it, I'm ready for autumn). x

Thinking of you as you go through this but just think of the amazing trip YOU get to have when the little ones are grown - I'm thinking at least 3 weeks per country & much relaxation is those big executive suite baths! As for my emotions - dealing with resentment of my own at the moment as my hubby stays working away even though I want him home. Unpleasant, but temporary. Feeling very grateful I only have 3 weeks of solo-parenting ahead starting tomorrow! Much love xox

Amen sister. You know I love a good smack of honesty and this is perfect. You have good reason to be jealous- i'm jealous on a dally basis when Dave gets to have an uninterrupted lunch break (i'm a loser, i know).

Rage on girlfriend. Ride the wave (tsunami, as it may be).

xx

Yes I do! Stuff them down, only my most special people get to see it all pour out when it comes unbearable- the very people I should protect from that poison. Jealousy is always, always one that I struggle with, and probably feel most shame about, because I have so much that others would be 'jealous' of. But the shame is useless and time wasting! But a good ranty shout about fluffy towels might be just the tonic, in the moment ;) Have a sweet week, x sarah

What a great post and very thought-provoking for me! You've really made reflect on my own behaviour and emotions.

I too will be having a year with confronting emotions Jodi. I grew up in a house where anger was ignored. Imagine my confusion when feelings of anger started to bubble up with my MIL and SIL about 2 years ago. They consistently angered me (unconciously of course), and I consistently berated myself for it. Until an outburst of anger changed things, and got me trying to identify the cause. I realised that I get angry when I let things that don't feel right for me (as a mother) slide for too long and I can't take it any longer, identifying that I need to assert myself as things are happening. After a long time feeling like a horrible person, I've embraced anger as a catalyst for change. Feeling and expressing these emotions are authentic things to do and being authentic is something I want to model to my daughters. xx

man oh man, I felt jealous just reading about where he's staying! of course you feel jealous! loved this post. hang in there mama. when i'm having hard times or bad moods, i find it helps me a bit to cling to moments, instead of whole days. find the small moments of peace or happiness or joy. sometimes I'll have a great laugh at something and realize, that's the first time I really laughed today, or this week. I note it, and mark it, and appreciate it. and just...those tiny moments can sometimes help me ride out a difficult day or week. even if it's the 10 peaceful minutes I get to spend reading at the end of the day. XO to you!

I'm in the process of moving interstate. At the moment I've got no job, nowhere to live and no real sense of what I'll do once I get to this new city. I love the house I'm leaving and dismantling the space I've built has been deeply upsetting. Plus the reality of being so much further away from family and friends is only just sinking in.
I've been trying to let myself be sad. I'm allowed to curl up in a ball and cry for a while if I need to. Often I feel a little better afterwards and I can deal with doing one more thing. It's taken me a long time to learn that letting yourself feel negative emotions often helps them disperse faster. This post was a timely reminder of that.

Reminds me of the time Arran went away (only for two weeks!) leaving me with the three boys (who were much younger then and more of a handful). My beloved dog died the day before he left and when he called from WA I let rip about how unfair it was that he was holidaying without us. It was ugly and hurtful but I couldn't control it. I think jealousy might be my biggest demon, although it seems to be waning as I grow older...there is hope! Ride it out, you have every right to feel this way, and I'm sure Daniel understands. xxx

My father's English and my mother is French so imagine the confusion when growing up about how to deal with and express emotions! As an adult (still with a child's heart) I have kept from my paternal role model the ability to stay calm and even-tempered in public/professional situations and to let it out - like my mother - when nothing else will do, mostly with my husband.

Negative emotions are not bad; they are simply the flipside of the better ones. They certainly do need to be acknowledged, whether it be from the safety of your own headspace, on a walk perhaps or in a more heated conversation with somebody who knows you well.

I did wonder how you felt when Danial took your camera away.

One day at the time, Jodi.

This might not be the time to say this but I'm finding the lovely typeset you have chosen a little hard to read. I'm squinting a little at the screen ;-) Maybe it's just me?

Stephanie

The bach flower Holly is a great little help when faced with feelings of jealousy and envy. This worked wonders for my little one with the arrival of her baby sister. There is a season for everything and you too will have your time exploring the world. For now indulge in the simplicity of life at home with children.

I believe it's healthy to express our negative emotions and not bottle them up. I grew up with a mother who, on the surface, would pretend that everything was fine and deny there was any conflict, but would then explode in spectacular fashion, and say the most dreadful things. Unfortunately this happened in 2012 and she said the most unforgivable things to me and now we don't see each other at all. I'm trying to take a different path with my own children and talk about feelings, good and bad. What's the point in letting negative feelings fester? They will only grow and cause us, and the people we love, greater distress xx

"It is what it is"
Rather than categorising emotions and thoughts as good or bad - I live trying to just accept things as they are, curiously observing how I interact with the world, and responding mindfully to that. It is an imperfect practice - but a freeing one, because instead of repressing perceived negative feelings, I am able to accept them as they are, and by and by, understand them.

Even though it was different for me in countless ways, this post resonated with me. Ages ago, someone I loved left for what we thought would be a long time, and I felt as if his life was leaping and bounding ahead of mine, which plodded slowly forward, on familiar streets without a lover. It was a tough time, letting go of him, and realising that my own life was blooming in the one place in ways I hadn't noticed. It's an adjustment, for you both, and it's incomparable and only natural to feel envious. But I'm sure too, in a few weeks it will be Daniel's turn to feel envious of you at home with its familiar comforts, steady rhythms, and people to cherish and watch grow. Acknowledging feelings like this is so freeing. Sending you a big (fluffy) hug. x

Fairness. It sucks right?
Here is an intersting excerpt from a TED talk about fairness (with monkeys) showing you that jealousy and the need for fairness are a natural part of life...
http://youtu.be/lKhAd0Tyny0

Hang in there!! Once school goes back and routine starts the days will start ticking quicker (trust me here - my partner is navy and last year 9weeks away turned into 5 months - I was studying full time and also doing my teaching placement and we have 2 kids 3 & 5). My advice is to create some downtime for you - yoga or a coffee alone somewhere, people do offer help and I never really took it - grab whatever you can! And eggs on toast is totally ok for dinner !! I wish you luck and strength! X Lauren

Oh Jodi...I feel for you. My husband goes away for long stretches and it can be tiring being the one at home. Thankfully he is very understanding...but occasionally when he is buoyant and I am weary... I feel quite further apart than just kilometres. Resentment is a relationship killer...so I always try and face it and let it go...cause we're a team and I love what we have more than some hiccups here and there. I do find that I have space to grow more emotionally when he's away...so there are some positives...and I try and remember all the beauty in my daily activities...walking at the beach with the kids, indulging in a daily coffee etc...I find that it also helps to plan a date when he returns AND to plan something special for me to look forward to. Maybe something like a yoga retreat or a mini getaway for you might be just the ticket :) Goodluck Jodi! xx

I know exactly that jealousy.. I'm feeling it not only when my husband is away but even when he is working here.. I always wanted to be a mother, a stay at home mom, but sometimes I envy his life with real conversations, colleagues, coffee time and briefing..
And right after that I feel bad for being so bad..

On the contrary. I shy from the positive emotions and embrace the negative! Now recently I'm embracing both. All feelings carry important messages.
Your jealousy or resentment will have important messages for you too, and are far from unreasonable.

Thank you so much for this post. I think it in the age of Facebook and positive spins on our life, it's really important to highlight this. (I am like Rach above, I find it hard to embrace the positive, mostly because I feel I am bragging if I talk about it.

I totally get your feelings, also. My husband asked me to take both children to visit my sister because he couldn't handle the kids on his own. This is after he has made several trips (yes, mostly work) without the kids and I've really struggled to cope. I sort of felt like, hey, I've had to deal with work, the kids and no support on many occasions. Surely you could do it too? Anyway, we have worked through it, so there is a positive end to the story, and there will be for you, too.

I appreciate your honesty! It's refreshing.

I love this post Jodi... It does seem that we Mamas are often stuck with the blunt end of the stick by default, but I know that it does change as the kids grow. In Gestalt therapy they talk about the paradoxical theory of change, like your quote above, which states that the way to change (or mental freedom, or whatever) has to be through complete acceptance of where you are right now- so completely accepting that you feel jealous. It'll pass one day, and you'll have more space around the feeling if you don't try to fight it. Maybe in the meantime you could go buy yourself a nice new bath towel and just wear it around...?

i love that you share so honestly through your blog. even these bits of life that might not be the brightest, you writing is always constructive and positive, even when dealing with struggles. i find that i often shy away from sharing the negative, (i actually like to call them "tough" emotions), especially when i blog. i hate to sound like i am complaining... but yeah, sometimes you need to share this stuff. it makes you human. even if we have never been in the same situations, i think we have all dealt with the same emotions. and yes, i think it is good for children to see how we handle the hard stuff and how we deal with emotions - it's how they learn to express themselves and manage difficult emotions.

i cannot imagine what you are going through right now. my husband works overnight two nights a week and it gets rough - weeks of solo parenting is no small feat. i think it is important to share even the tough stuff with your partner and work through it. wishing you much strength and some good days ahead.

when i read about Daniel going away, all those emotions that you have just written about on here, came over me. i would love to shy away from negative emotions but unfortunately they take over me and it is not who i am. so no, i welcome them, feel them and then deal with them.
you are strong.

I love this - one of my challenges last year was dealing with grief. In the past I buried grief away and it always resurfaced in unpleasant ways. Last year I faced it head on, I had to - I wasn't really given the choice to avoid it. And I think in the end, even though I was terrified of it, I'm sure it's been a much healthier way forward for me. I hadn't even thought of dealing with other strong emotions in the same way and with the same kind of honesty, but it all makes so much more sense.

hey, if it helps you are invited for tapas in Madrid any time - I am so jealous of you living in such a nice place by the sea - it is good to accept our feelings

good luck Jodi, you are always inspiring, enjoy the sea when you can x

gosh... I feel so relieved to read that I am not the only one to have this feeling of jealousy towards my husband's high life. So many times he calls me from an amazing restaurant in a amazing city and it always makes me feel miserable about my day ( at home with the kids ) and so jealous... that HE has a IDENTITY out there and I feel I don't anymore... It is so hard and can really eat you up... Dealing with those emotions is a big challenge, but it makes us stronger and wiser to try... I hope.
x

ahh i really feel for you! I am at home a lot by myself when my husband gigs and my kids are a 22 hour day with tilly's sms! i let resentfulness eat me up last year and it made me ill! In the end i exploded like a pressure cooker and since then i am making time for me regardless.....so i think trying to bury the negative when you also have the stresses of motherhood is totally a recipe to ill health! Glad you let rip, now find something for you to ease the balance slightly xxx hugs xxxxx

Jodi, this post really resonated with me and I'm so glad I read it when I did.

I constantly shy from negative emotions, along with hiding them from others, I try to not acknowledge them at all costs, and you know what? Until this moment, I really have no idea why other than, perhaps, we've been taught to only express positive emotions and mull over the negative ones in solitude?

At any rate, your post has inspired me to seek out all of my emotions and take a few minutes each day to evaluate them for exactly what they are. We'll see how this process goes.

As always, thank you!